I love black thongs
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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