Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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