I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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