I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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