I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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