dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
