Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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