well I can't set my house on fire every night
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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