he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
