i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
