I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
