Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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