actually, I'm a sock model
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
