I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
