note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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