Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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