The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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