atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
