Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
