How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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