Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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