Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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