You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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