im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
