So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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