You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
