My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
