I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How external is "for external use only"?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
