Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
