Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
