No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
