i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
