uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
