some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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