Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
