On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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