Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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