i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
