Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
