just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
