She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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