its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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