Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
