she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
