Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize