Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
