Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
