this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
