I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
