I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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