Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
