How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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