Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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