Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
