Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
