did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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