I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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