You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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