well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize