before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
