You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
