What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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