Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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