I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
