i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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