But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Shame - the story of my life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
