Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up under a house in Key West
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
