i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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