Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
