ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
