Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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