I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
