some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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