Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
